Away She Went
by PerdHapleyfan
Summary: Ann takes care of April after finding her in the ER. Eventually, April opens up to her, but getting to know the real April Ludgate causes Ann to form an emotional attachment to her ex-boyfriend's new love interest that she never ever expected. Ann's point of view. Ann/April pairing.
1. Chapter 1

This story takes place during the summer between seasons 2 and 3 in a reality in which Chris Traeger never came to Pawnee, and April didn't take off to South America.

I love being a nurse. Every night dozens of people walk into the ER hurting and scared, and as a nurse I get the chance to fix that-to become part of their stories, to become a healing force in their lives. And, if I'm lucky, I get to see them walk away a little less broken then they were when they came in. That's why I do what I do. Patient care is my passion in life like benches, and swing sets, and hot dog carts is Leslie's.

There is a story behind every Emergency Room visit, and those stories are often tragic. I've seen the effects from any tragedy you could imagine over the years car wrecks to fires to gun shot wounds. And yet, I've never been as horrified by anything in my career, and probably my life, as I was by what happened last week. I never knew that another person's circumstances could cause me to hurt quite so deeply, and I wish I still didn't. I wish none of this ever happened. But it did, and I'll never be the same again. Neither will April.

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My shift went normal: paperwork, drawing blood, gathering patient information, taking blood pressure, more paperwork... The usual. It was the 4th of July so it was a pretty busy night, just like every holiday that causes people to get drunk and act like idiots (which is all of them). I was just about done for the night. All I had to do was finish the release paper work for Herb, a man who cracked his scull open attempting to jump into his pool from his roof. But, as I was looking over my work I overheard Carla and Jeanne talking about the "patient in room 2." I didn't think much about it at first, Jeanne is a huge gossip, and Carla, who's new here, seems to think every case we get is some kind of medical marvel. But, as I continued to overhear bits and pieces of what they were saying it seemed more and more serious.

"I could hear her screeching, and carrying on all the way down the hall" Jeanne said. "She was hysterical."

Carla shook her head. "I saw her when she came in. The poor thing looked scared out of her mind, like a deer in the headlights."

"I heard she threatened Lisa when she was taking her vitals."

"Maybe she needs a psych evaluation."

"Maybe. Poor thing. She's so young too. How old do you think, Carla like eighteen or nineteen? Barely out of high school. I just hate it when girls so young like that come in all battered.

"Someone smacked the hell out of her, that's for sure."

"They told her she could leave twenty minutes ago, but I think she's still in there. Should we tell someone?"

"No, leave her be. She'll get up when she's ready."

"Think it was her boyfriend who smacked her around?"

"I don't know, but I hope that little girl never has to see the bastard who did it again unless he's in shackles."

"You think it'll get that far?" Jeanne asked, failing to mask her excitement. "You think it'll be a big dramatic case? Make national news?"

"Why would it?" Carla shrugged. "That little girl ain't no one. What Lisa say her name is? Ludgate? I've never heard that name before."

"I'm sorry, did you just say Ludgate?" I said. The words spilled out of my mouth before I really had a chance to think. "Her first name isn't April, is it?"

"Yes" Jeanne said. "Why do you know her?"

"You said room 2?" I asked. "Yes" Carla said. "Are you going to see her?"

I walked away before she even finished the question. I had goose bumps everywhere, and I swear my heart was beating a mile a minute. April wasn't my patient. From a medical standpoint I couldn't justify barging right into her room, but something in me had to see her.

At that point she wasn't anything more to me than the girl Andy had a crush on. The girl who hated me for kissing him. The obnoxious teenager who liked to torture me. But for some reason I still had to know that she was okay. I needed it more than I had needed anything in a long time. I don't know what I was expecting when I opened that door, but it wasn't what I found.

She looked so much younger than I ever remembered her looking before. So much more vulnerable, curled in a ball on the bed, staring into the distance. She had no response to the door opening. She looked completely dead inside. Like if the world exploded around her, it wouldn't even register.

"April?" I asked softly.

Her breathing changed, like she was trying not to cry. I can't speak for her, but I imagine April doesn't like crying in front of people. It would show that she's human, and I don't think that's the way April wants the world to see her.

"It's alright" I said. "It's all over now. You can go home."

"No I can't" she said in a shaky whisper.

"Why can't you?" I asked inching closer, like someone approaching a wounded animal. I wanted to comfort her without scaring her, and I knew too much too fast would scare her.

"I don't want my parents to see me like this."

"Well, won't they wonder where you are if you don't come home?"

"Probably not. They never have before."

She sat up then, and I saw her face for the first time. She was a mess of Mascara, blood, and bruises. I was sort of angry at the other nurse for not cleaning her up better, but then again I don't know if April would have let them if they tried.

"You have nowhere to go?" I asked.

She shook her head, looking at the floor, at the wall, anywhere but my face. I wish she had looked there, she would have found compassion, and I think she needed that. "I don't even have clothes to change into" she shrugged. "They kept mine for like evidence or something. I guess. I don't know."

"I have an extra shirt and pair of jeans in my locker" I offered. "And you could crash at my place. If you wanted to I mean..."

I thought she'd say no. I really did. I thought getting April Ludgate to accept help from me would be a hell of a lot harder than simply offering it. I guess she really was desperate.

"You don't mind?" she asked.

"No. Not at all. My shift is over, I just have to clock out."

"I don't want to talk about what happened" she said.

"Then we won't."

"Okay" she said. "Thanks."

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	2. Chapter 2

April was careful to trail just a few feet behind me as she followed me up my driveway. She seemed so unsure of herself- like she was afraid of getting too close to me, but just as afraid of being too far away.

Once we finally got into the house, she just stayed near the door, with that same blank look on her face. "There are fresh towels in the closet in the bathroom" I said. "And, I think there's a t-shirt, and a pair of sweatpants in there too if you wanted to take a shower."

She didn't respond. She just stood there staring at the door to the bathroom.

"You'll feel a lot better after a shower, and a few hours of sleep" I said. "All of this will still suck, but you'll be thinking clearer. Things will start to make a little more sense."

"Sense?" she scoffed.

"Sorry, maybe that wasn't the best choice of words. I just meant-"

"It's okay" she interrupted. "A shower actually sounds kind of nice."

"Good" I smiled. "I can change the sheets in the guestroom while you're in there."

"You don't have to do that."

"It's okay" I assured her. "I want to. Really. You go ahead. I'll wait for you."

She walked to the door and placed her hand on the knob, but quickly turned around and looked back at me. "Thank you" she said, her voice breaking. "I was so scared, and I didn't know what to do or who to call-"

"Of course" I said. "You're going to be okay now, April."  
_

April was in the shower for a long time. A very long time. Hours. I wanted to give her privacy, but I was seriously worried.

There were razors in my shower, and pills in my medicine cabinet, and she did seem really shaky, and why the hell wouldn't she be, but what if she was worse off than I realized? What if she was lying in my bathroom dying, as I stood in my living room, pacing around like an idiot instead of doing anything to help her?

I decided to knock on the door. "April?"

No response.

"April? It's me. I just wanted to make sure you're okay in there."

"I'm fine" she said, sounding anything but.

"Do you need help with anything?"

Silence.

"April, do you want me to come in?"

"Maybe."

"Maybe?"

"Yes. Yes. Come in."

I opened the door.

I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw she wasn't hurt. She was out of the shower, dressed in my sweatpants, and oversized t-shirt which looked even bigger on her. She was sitting on the floor, staring at the wall just like she was at the hospital.

"What are you doing?"

"Have you ever been to the grand canyon?" she asked. She still hadn't looked at me.

"No. Um, I've been to Niagara Falls."

"I don't know why, but I've just always wanted to go to the Grand Canyon. It's kind of stupid I guess, but it's not like I just sit around thinking about it all the time. Just when I see pictures and stuff. But, tonight when he was… when I thought that maybe I was going to…. All I could think was 'Oh shit, I still haven't been to the Grand Canyon, and now I won't get to.' I don't know why. It's kind of stupid."

"No" I said, sitting down on the floor a few feet away from her. "It's not stupid, April. Not at all." I never would have imagined that April would care about the Grand Canyon. I never would have imagined that April would care about anything.

"I guess I can go now" she laughed, but it wasn't a good laugh. It's was out of place somehow, like a cry in disguise.

"Maybe I'll go with you. We can bring Leslie, I bet she'd love it."

"Oh God" she scoffed. "I bet she'd make a special binder just to organize it."

"She'd probably color code it."

"Yeah" April said. "No thanks."

"Well" I sighed. "I set your room up. Are you ready?"

"No."

"Oh, I'm sorry" I said. "It looked like you were done in here."

"I am. I guess. I don't know."

"What is it?"

"It's stupid."

I move closer to her. I'm not sure why. It was like some kind of nursing instinct. Something in her voice made it seem like she was in pain, and I just moved closer. "I bet it isn't."

"It's just- If I keep sitting here it'll be okay. In here I can pretend it didn't happen. Out there I have to face it, and-"

"You don't know if you can?" I finished.

"No" she said. "I do know. I can't. I can't do this."

"You're stronger than you realize" I said. "We all are."

"Did you read that on a greeting card?"

"No, I-"

"Sorry. That was bitchy."

"It's okay."

"No, it's not. You're trying to help. Sorry."

"It's okay" I repeated. I don't think April Ludgate has ever apologized in her life.

"I just can't get up yet. Not yet. I know you probably don't get it."

"No" I said. "I do. I get it."

"You can go to bed. I know you probably don't want to be sitting here."

"Actually, there's nowhere else I'd rather be."

She gave me a skeptical look.

"I'd be worrying about you if I wasn't here with you" I explain.

"Why?" she scoffed. "Why do you care?"

"I don't know" I answered honestly. "But, I do. I really do."


	3. Chapter 3

I sat next to April on that bathroom floor for hours. Neither of us spoke. Once in a while she'd lose control and cry for a minute or two, but just as quickly as she broke down she'd pull herself together.

"You don't have to do that" I finally said. "If you feel like crying you should. Just, you know, get it all out."

"I hate crying" April sniffled. "But I guess I can't help it."

"I know" I said. "God, I can't even imagine what you're going through. How it feels. April, I'm so sorry."

"You mean, you didn't…" she, turned away and stared at the wall.

"What?" I asked

"It's never happened to you? It's just I read once that it happens to a lot of women. And you're being so nice to me, I thought maybe… never mind."

"April," I said softly. "I'm being nice to you because I care about you, and I can see you're in pain."

"But it's never happened to you."

"No" I said. "It's never happened to me. I've never been raped."

April cringed when I said the word. She tried to hide it, but it was obvious.

"There's been this tape loop in my head for the past few hours" she said. "Just get off the floor. Just get off the floor. Just get off the floor. Move on. Forget this ever happened."

"It doesn't work that way. You can't just rub some dirt on this, and carry on like nothing has changed."

"Yeah" she sighed. "You know, I wasn't even supposed to be here this week. I was supposed to go to South America with my parents. I only stayed home because stupid Derek asked me to go with him to his lame cousin's wedding."

"Derek? That guy you broke up with? The one who has a boyfriend?"

"Yeah" she shrugged. "They broke up I guess. I don't know. I don't really care."

"He's not the one who did this to you, is he?"

She glared at me. "I said I didn't want to talk about that."

"I'm sorry. You're right. I shouldn't have asked."

"It's fine."

"No, it's not. I told you we didn't have to talk about it, and I meant it. I want you to be able to trust me."

She nodded. "It wasn't Derek."

"Oh" I said. "That's good I guess."

"Derek doesn't even know what happened. Only you do."

"And I won't tell anyone" I assured her. "Unless you ask me too."

She scoffed. "I don't think that's going to happen."

"You know" I said, trying for a change for subject. "I have that 'movies on demand' thing with my cable package. I pay extra for it every month, but I've only used it like twice. I also have snacks: popcorn, pretzels, hot pockets..."

"What are you doing?"

"I'm just giving you some alternatives to the bathroom floor. Not that I mind. We can sit here as long as you want."

"I don't even know what I want" she said, standing to her feet. "To be someone else I guess." She moved to the mirror and stared at her face. She gently touched a bruise on her cheek, and began to shake. Her eyes widened in horror. It was as if she suddenly remembered, all at once, exactly how she got that bruise. Exactly what happened to her.

"Hey" I said, moving slowly towards her.

She flinched violently, her eyes wild with terror. "I- I'm sorry" she said.

Tentatively, I put my hand on her back, testing how she would react. "April" I whispered. "You have nothing to be sorry for. Okay? Nothing." The next thing I knew she was falling into my arms. I could tell by the way her head fell on my chest how tired she was, how defeated. Sobs rocked her body. It was the single most tragic moment I'd ever been a part of, and all I wanted was to ease her pain. "Come on" I said into her hair. "Let's get you to bed. You're going to feel so much better after a full night's sleep."

"Maybe" she said, pulling away. "But maybe we could watch a movie first?"

"Um… okay. Sure" I said. "Were you thinking of anything in particular?"

"No. It doesn't matter."

"What about a romantic comedy?" I asked, hoping to get a laugh out of her. The notion of April Ludgate watching a romantic comedy was certainly laughable. But instead she just shrugged, as she twisted to the handle bathroom door.

"Fine."

"Hey, look at you" I said. "You're off the floor."

"Yeah. Thanks for sitting here with me like this. It was very… nice of you."

"I thought you hated nice people" I said with a smirk.

"I hate a lot of things, Ann but I don't hate you."

"Maybe not now."

"Not ever."

"Really?" I asked skeptically. "You never hated me?"

"No. I hate that Andy likes you more than me, but I don't hate you. I mean, who could blame him anyway? Who wouldn't choose you over me? Especially now."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

She pointed to the bruise. "You see this? They call this baggage."

"April, anyone worth having will love you just as much with baggage as without."

"Right" she said, with a roll of her eyes. "Let's just go watch that movie."

"Hey, I mean it. Something shitty happened to you, but it doesn't define who you are, it doesn't make you any less worthy of love."

I thought I noticed a blush creep across her cheeks, but I wasn't sure. She quickly turned her head away. "Thank you."

"You're welcome" I smiled. "Now let's go watch that movie."


	4. Chapter 4

"This movie sucks" April said, interrupting the hour long silence between us.

"It does not."

"Yes, it does. I hate Reese Witherspoon."

"How can you hate Reese Witherspoon? Literally everyone loves her. She's amazing."

"She's always smiling. What the hell is she so happy about anyway?"

"In this movie? I don't know, becoming a lawyer? Getting into Harvard? Falling in love with…"

"You really like this movie. Like seriously?"

"Yes. It's a classic."

She rolled her eyes. "This is not a classic."

"Okay, Roger Ebert. So what movies do you consider classics?"

"Of the top of my head? Hocus Pocus…"

"Hocus Pocus?"

"It's about these three witches. You know, the one with Bette Midler, and Sarah Jessica Parker."

"I've never seen it. But, I love Sarah Jessica Parker. Sex in the City is the best."

She rolled her eyes.

"What?" I asked.

"You're so lame" she said. For a moment I was kind of hurt. More hurt than I expected to be. It was hardly the first time April had insulted me, and in the past I let whatever she said roll off my back, but for some reason it stung a little. Then I looked closer and noticed she was smirking, almost laughing. She wasn't mocking me, she was teasing me. And, she was having fun doing it. April was somewhat happy, and I was the reason.

"So do you like any movies that aren't about witch craft?" I asked, smirking right back at her.

"Sure" she said. "But not Legally Blonde."

I tossed her the remote. "So, pick another movie. I don't have work tomorrow. We have all night."

"Alright," she said, clicking through the options. "Here, this one isn't awful."

"Wizard of Oz?" I asked. "You like the Wizard of Oz?"

"Doesn't everybody?"

"Yeah, I guess, but I don't know. It's so… colorful, and whimsical."

She shrugged. "I like the flying monkeys. And the munchkins are kind of cool too."

"Okay" I said. "Wizard of Oz it is, but you don't get to make fun of me if I cry during "Somewhere Over the Rainbow."

She shrugged. "Alright. Fair enough."

At some point during the movie she fell asleep. I didn't notice until her head fell on my shoulder, but when I looked over I saw her face. She looked so peaceful, so beautiful. I didn't want to stare when she was conscious, but I took the opportunity to scan the injuries on her body. "God" I sighed. "What happened to you?"  
I considered turning the TV off, and going upstairs to bed, but something about leaving her just felt wrong. So I leaned my head against the back of the couch and closed my eyes too. I hadn't noticed how tired out everything had made me, but it only took me a minute or two to drift off. And then we were both asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

As I drifted into consciousness I heard a terrible noise in the distance: the panicked whimpering of a person in agony, followed by a scream that jolted me awake. April was next to me tossing, and turning, and gasping, and crying. Begging an entity that wasn't in our presence to stop hurting her, to have mercy, to just leave her alone.

I was afraid she'd fall off the couch, so I put my hands on her arms to still her. Instantly, she began to fight me. I knew in that moment, in her head, I was the one torturing her, and that made me sick.

She grabbed at my arms, scratching at them desperately, and begging me to let go of her. "April" I pleaded, fighting tears. "It's just me, it's Ann."

My words seemed to have no effect on her.

"April!" I shouted. "Wake up. It's just a dream. It's just a dream."

Her eyes flew open, and stared at me with terror in her eyes, scanning me as if she couldn't make sense of the situation she was in.

"Hey" I said. "Hey, hey, it's okay."

"Ann?"

"Yeah, it's me. It's Ann."

She moved away from me and sat up. "What the hell happened?" she sputtered through tears.

"You don't remember what happened? The E.R? Taking a shower here? Watching movies on my couch?"

"Oh God. Oh God" she said, burying her face in her hands. "I do. I do. I'm sorry. I just had a bad dream, and then I got so confused."

I put my hand on her, and rubbed small circles on her back "Shh, shh, It's okay."

"I'm so sorry."

"Hey" I said. "What did I tell you before, huh? You have nothing to be sorry for."

She turned around and looked at me, her battered face wet with tears. "Did I wake you up?"

"Yeah. Kind of. But, it's okay."

"Oh my God" she gasped. "Your arms! Did I do that?"

"I'm fine, don't worry about me."

"Ann, I'm so sorry."

"Sweetie" I said, shocked at how naturally the word came out of my mouth because before that night "sweet" was the last word I'd ever use to describe April Ludgate. "Don't feel bad, please. You didn't know what you were doing."

"You're bleeding."

"It doesn't hurt. Really. I'm tougher than I look. Do you want to try to go back to sleep? I can give you something to help you."

She shook her head. "I don't think I can go back to sleep after that."

"Okay. That's fine. We'll stay up awhile. You fell asleep before the movie ended, you want to see the rest of it."

"No."

"Oh, okay, then what do you want to do?"

She ignored my question, and just sat there, staring at the scratches on my arm. "Do you believe in karma, Ann?"

"Maybe to a certain extent" I said. "Why? Where are you going with this?"

"I'm not a very nice person."

"No" I said, shaking my head. "No way. I'm not letting you go there. What happened to you wasn't because of anything you did, okay? It happened because of a very sick, angry, violent man. He is the only one to blame here. If you want to be pissed at someone, be pissed at him. This isn't your fault."

"I know it's over, but sometimes in my head it's like…." she trailed off.

"You know you're safe here, right? You're totally safe."

"Yeah" she nodded. "I know. I feel safe with you."

"Good."

"But I'm going to have to leave here eventually. Go back out into the world. See everyone's face when they see how beat up I am. Face my parents. And that feels-"

"Unsafe?"

She nodded.

"April, you can stay here as long as you want. You know that, right?"

"I just might take you up on that."

"Good." I said. "God, April you might be able to fool me into thinking you actually like me or something" I joked.

"I'm sorry about your arms" she said, gently grazing the pad of her finger over the torn skin. It stung a little, but somehow the moment was charged, kind of like that second before a guy kisses you when he brushes the hair away from your face. Her touch was so gentle, the look on her face was so sincere.

"I- I meant what I said before" I whispered. "It doesn't hurt, I don't want you to feel bad about it."

She nodded, and turned away from me, resting her head against the arm of the couch. "Ann?" she said, her voice breaking.

"Yeah?"

"I need you to tell me it isn't my fault again."

"It's not your fault" I said softly. "None of this is your fault, April. None of it."

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